So, for those of you who may not be aware of my ever so interesting life, after five glorious months of Summer holidays of sitting around at home, not doing very much, enjoying the free time I went back to university today.
In all the time leading up to it while I was off, all thoughts of my third and final year were put to one side. I had completed a daunting and difficult task which was my second year and as I went off for my summer break, I can remember taking a breath and thinking, okay I have some breathing space now because I don't have to do anymore work. I think it's fair to say I loved my summer holidays and made good use of my time while I was off.
Now the time came when I got that email from the head of my course with the two words I have dreaded to hear throughout the whole summer "Welcome Back". Because it meant yet another year of exhausting assignments that would push me to the level to achieve a satisfactory grade that would leave me in a high credible standard. I got a sicking feeling in my stomach during the time leading up when I nearly had to go back because I dread uni so much, that I felt that if ever I feel this way, about work, it's time to stop. In all honesty I am afraid to fail, I don't want to fuck up. This is the final hurdle and I don't want to let myself down when I am so close. It's the competitive spirit in me.
I don't think it's any secret to reveal that I'm not overly keen on university, however I've stuck with it because I of all people have had to learn the hard way, not everything in life is easy to do and some of your biggest life choices are sometimes made by other people in your best interests. I'm talking about my parents here, who dragged me to all those boring open days, all those horrible car journeys, having to sit through all the talks and people going "we're great, come and study with us!". It's all the hype to uni I don't like either, the fact that people point out "university is one of the best experiences of your life"... and it really isn't.
It wasn't my idea to go, but I'm here, I've done two years. In those two years I've been baffled in thinking "my gosh, how on earth did I get here?" but none the less, I have, I'm in good standard. The light is green so far, so let's keep that way and try and go the extra level and try and do my best to achieve the best I possibly can.
The good news however is, I only have five modules throughout the whole year, two of which I know I must do well in amongst all others. If there are two things I can't fuck up this year it's my extended essay or dissertation and my final major project (FMP for short). I think if I nail those two things, I'm going to sail through. At the moment it's all a bit of an unknown because I've only been back for one day and so far we've had a detailed break down of what our dissertation module is going to be. It sounds interesting yet very hard work at the same time. I'm not scared though, there's so much freedom with it. We are allowed to choose our own topic, what we talk about for 4000 words, we've been advised the best way of success is to talk about something you feel passionate about, we've had the teaching from last year to give us a guide, the staff are there to help us get through it, all in all if I just tackle it one little baby step at a time I shall be fine. I've got all the support and help lined up for me, I just need to use the resources that are available to me.
There is also the FMP. The main concern I have with that is making sure I get in the right group. That is the key to success, make sure you're working with people who you have an understanding with or get on with. If you're working with people who you dislike or don't get on with. Chances are you're going to enjoy it. You'll make a shit film which you will only look back on with disappointment. I know because it's happened to me where I have worked with a group of people who I didn't like and it was a nightmare.
So those are the major things I can't afford to slip up on, as those are things that will boost up my grade. Not to say that the other three modules are not important, they just are just of less consequence to me than say the big two.
Other than that, what I will say is this, I look forward, face it head one, forget what's happened the other two years, start fresh, work hard, stay focussed and it'll all be fine. The important thing is to get a good finish.
