Hi Everyone.
So I've been a quiet for the last couple of weeks, I can't remember the last time I posted a blog about a certain subject, I think it may have been just over a month ago now where I sent out an update on how I was doing.
Well, this is more of a broad and open kind of post which I wanted to do today.
In regards to how I have been doing now, I have been feeling really cool and calm in recent days. I had a very down day in the last week where I felt precarious, very off and deeply sad. It was probably my darkest day in a very long time, but I was lucky enough to see the light at the end of the tunnel and since then I have just been feeling really cool and calm and not letting anything that's happening around me get to me or affect me in a negative way.
I've also been coming into contact with my mind and getting in touch with my thoughts and feelings. This is something that meditation has been helping me to do, I've picked up some very useful techniques and some of the tips that have been given have also proved to be very helpful. I know I keep saying "Everything's looking up" and "I'm on the mend". I say it because I want to believe it and because I don't want people around me like friends and family to worry. I've been saying constructive things like that a lot recently and in all honesty that has never proven to be the case, at least not fully, so it's like there's no point in saying it. In actual fact, what it has proven is that some days I have felt what I have said and that I've shown progression in moving forward but then something bad or something not necessarily bad would pop up which would upset me or make me feel sad. Stuff like that pulls me back down again. I see other people being happy and I think "How can I endure other people's happiness if I don't feel happy myself". I've got goods friends and a loving family reaching out to me, offering help and saying comforting words like "We're here for you" and I know that they're here to help and they wouldn't say those things if they didn't mean it but the query that I have is "How can people help me if I can't even help myself?" It became a real struggle that the more I tried to resist certain negative thoughts and feelings, the more tension and stress I brought upon myself which wasn't healthy.
But since I have learnt to let go of all that unwanted stress and tension and process through all the negativity, things have become simpler for me and I can go about my days feeling like a much better person.
If I was, to sum up how I'm feeling at this point I would say in the words of David Bowie "I don't know where I'm going from here, but I promise it won't be boring".
So that's where I'm at with that. Today's topic is about yourself and I notice that I've been talking a lot about myself without stopping to think of other people along the way, for instance, I have got some really terrific friends at the moment, probably five of the best people I could ever hope to have in my life right now. And everyone is unique, everyone is different, everyone has quirks and special qualities which make them who they are. In my case it's the fact that I have Aspergers syndrome which means although I have difficulties with making friends and keeping them and I struggle to understand the world a lot of the time, my brain works in the most wonderful and creative ways and people like me for that which is great it means that whatever it is that I'm doing, I need to keep doing and never stop being the person that I am because its certain qualities and certain perks and traits which define whoever. And goes for anyone from all the walks of life. You could be a very shy and nervous person, you could be very loud and outspoken, you could also be gay, lesbian, homophobic, whatever. We all have a sense of identity, we all know who we are and what makes us who we are.
The message here is quite simply "It's okay to be yourself". That's it. Plain and simple. It doesn't matter if your black, white, gay, straight, or just human because we are all part of one superior race and that's the human race. Sure there are some people out there who will fight against you and will resist you and your life choices and you may want to retaliate against them but by doing that you'd only be giving them the reaction that they want from you, they want to prove that they can get to you. And some people are ignorant. Some people have not very nice qualities in their personality but if that makes them who they are then the simple thing would be to stay away from people like that and not to associate yourself with people like them.
I thought it was important to get this message across and do this post now because there really isn't a better time or opportunity to do it than in the now where things like this are becoming more and more apparent and much more relevant. Lots of people tend to struggle with their identities and never truly know who they are and in some cases feel too scared or ashamed to show their true colours because there is so much negativity and bad things happening in the world. I guess it all comes down to how comfortable you feel in yourself and whether you feel truly happy in yourself, never losing side of who you are or the classic quirks and traits which make you, yourself. I personally feel like I am quite a load and energetic personality and that sometimes with some people they might not know how to handle someone of that caliber when they meet me, it all seems to be a bit too much for them to handle all at once, and that's something which I try to work on. I try and tone myself down and only deal myself in small doses so by the time you do get to know me, you would have got used to me and you can be a bit more patient, not place any judgements and not be so quick to assume things about me.
If you are feeling a bit anxious or not sure what to do about feeling comfortable being yourself and showing your true identity there's always people out there who are willing to help you, people who have been where you are, who know what it's like and are willing to reach out with a helping hand and guide you through everything. As well as that there are also others who may not have experienced the same things which you're going through but have an understanding because they know someone who have gone through what you've gone through and are always happy to listen. Britain has become a much more liberal, accepting and understanding country now, our society has changed so much more for the better and we are lucky to be living in a world where difference and change is better understood and accepted.
There's nothing bad or wrong with diversity. If everyone in the world was exactly the same as each other, I think that the world would be a very boring place to live in. I like meeting new people and having conversations with them. You never know who you might meet, you might end up having a lot in common with this person and making a friend out of them, so you never know.
Border line of this is, It's okay to be yourself. You are who are, the qualities that make you who you are define you in some way, it's not something you can change no matter how many people tell you that you can. Just work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you.
