Hi everyone.
So things have not been very good for me recently, and I wanted to do this little post just to so there would be no misinterpritation and I could just say exactly what I wanted to.
I'm going to be honest when I come out and say that it's been a funny couple of days. It's been a funny couple of weeks to tell you the truth. A mixture of good and bad. Mostly good, however, the bad things that have happened have proved to be real stinkers which have caused me great distress, worry and upset.
I was working on a play at my local theatre group when I got told the news of the passing of our director, but just our director, a friend and colleague. That very much was a terrible shock to everybody because when you work on something like a play, for instance, you work on it for three or so months. In that time you see people three - four times a week. You form a bond with them, have a laugh in between bits of rehearsal and sometimes in which this case had proved evident form a social life with your colleagues which become friends. Where I'm getting at is, you become close to these people you're working with and you form a special bond which I don't think you can get from any other work place. You become like a family in the sense that you got each other's backs and you support each other. If one of us is having a bad day you're there to pat them on back and say "It's all right mate, onwards and upwards to the next day."
Also, I've been under the most strenuous and extraordinary pressures with Uni at the moment. I've got four assignments to complete all at once in three months left that there is of the course. Teaching time is beginning to slow down, there is not much more that can be taught in lectures, it's left up to us now to get on with the work and do it to the best of our ability.
Being totally honest, it's no secret that I don't enjoy my course at Uni, and some people say that Uni is one of the best experiences of your life. Well if I were to quote Will from The Inbetweeners "The only way that would true for me, is if I went from Uni to prison and stay there forever until I died." Some people may be sad to leave Uni. I won't be sad. I'm in the same position with leaving Uni as I was when I was leaving School. I was so miserable in the last few months of school to the extent where I literally could not wait to leave. And in this case, with Uni, that feeling has some what returned. I hate this course, I hate the teaching staff, I don't have any enthusiasm for the whole thing anymore and just wish it would end.
Film and TV like any creative industry is a tough nut to crack, you have to be really passionately driven and really love what you do in order to do it. I some what feel that any true passion I had towards this interest has rubbed off. It has very much made me more lenient towards working in theatre and writing my own plays, forming my own production company etc. There's a thing with theatre that just feels more free and just a very different discipline, however, I do think it's lovely to mix it up and do a bit of everything and just do what feels right when it comes along. So I'm not putting off the idea of Film and TV completely but it's just not the thing I want to be doing 24/7. Hollywood snobs aren't really my kind of people.
But the worst feeling to feel is the fact that you can't talk to anyone about this, you feel as if you need to suck it up and just shut off the rest of the world from what you're truely feeling. It's not something I recommend, but it's what I do when feeling down about things like this. It leads me to a very sad, lonely and isolated place which I don't like but to me, it's the obvious way to go because it's better than the alternative.
If there is one thing I could say that I could never expect to have happened, it's to mix in with a new kind of crowd of people my own age group and just be apart of "a gang" or "a friendship group". I am a good person, and surrounded by good, nice, friendly people and I'm very slowly but surely working through my problems and trying to find my way back.
