Hello
Welcome to the fifth and final part of my Asperger's story.
This final part is about the future and where do I got from here, what I have learnt from my past experiences and how people can work to making Autism something which is better understood so we can make things so much better.
So, here I am. Still in one piece. I've got a lot to be positive about, look forward to, and a lot to be thankful for.
Where to go from here? That's a very broad question in terms of the retrospect and the many different path ways in which I could go from where I am now. I've got to get used to and adapt to adult life and I am soon going to go out into the big unknown which is the world. It'll give me many things to strive towards. Getting a job, making a good living, providing a steady income, saving up to buy my own flat or house or even being someone's lodger, just moving on with the next steps in my life and how they are going to challenge me to become the person my adult self will have the pleasure of being.
As well as that just enjoying the bits in-between, seeing friends, making new acquaintances, possibly even dating. The thought of dating scares me a bit because you're put your heart on the line with the risk of getting your feelings hurt and your heart broken, but it could be so worth it if I was to meet the person who is my other half. I can't wait to meet my other half, whoever that person is. My uncle Charlie always says to me "There is someone on your wave length, you just haven't met them yet". Then of course, there is children, I don't want to think about the prospect of having any children of my own just yet. I'm only twenty-one, life hasn't started for me yet.
Talking about what past experiences with people have taught me is I've learned a lot about assessing people and people's attitudes towards me.
I mean this in the sense of me learning to know when not to be so in people's faces and to be more aware of things like personal space and thinking more before I do things or even just simply checking with someone to ask advice and see if what I'm thinking of doing is okay, because usually I'll have an idea in my head to do something and once the idea is there it'll stay there until I carry out that idea or I will just do something without thinking of the consequences to come, a lot of things backfire on me and I'm often surprised as to why they have, so it's always best to ask a friend or a family member if what they think I'm doing is a good idea.
That's not to say that I am an unable person, I am perfectly able and capable of making my own decisions and most of the time they turn out alright, it's just sometimes it's best to hold my horses and take a precaution to prevent myself from making any new mistakes with people. The last thing I want to do something which will upset someone or make them feel uncomfortable around being with me.
That's the last thing I would want.
If I upset someone, without that being my intention, that's what really hurts me. It's the thought of inflicting a negative, unwanted feeling on to someone that I care about which shakes me up and my anxiety flares up because of it. Because it was me who inflicted that feeling onto that person, I have done this to that person and I have nothing and no one to blame for it except myself.
I think the problem there is I am too aware of the things which are going on around me and I let outside things affect me too much. What makes you depressed, ultimately is what's in your thoughts. I am completely aware of that. And it's very difficult to not believe your thoughts because you just can't help but get carried away into believing them. At the end of the day, you live in your head, what else are you supposed to believe? what else are you supposed to listen to? That can prove to be very hard at times.
But I feel I have got a lot better and now I think certain experiences were meant to have happened to me for a reason so that I don't make those same mistakes again and that helps me become a better person and keep more friends, which is brilliant. It boosts up my confidence and it shows me that I am learning.
The Autism spectrum varies so much and ranges from Asperger's all the way through to forms of non-verbal autism, so you will never meet someone on the autistic spectrum who is exactly the same, there is a spectrum. And with that spectrum comes certain trates in behaviour, such as lack of social skills and obsession with routine.
The earliest memories that I have, I've always known that I was different from my sisters and their friends but it is just normality for all of my family, they don't know any different, and I'm so grateful that the people in my family have that empathy, understanding and patience that they do in order to allow me to be who I am because they've experienced life with me as I've grown up.
And the problem is that someone who is not aware of Autism, may not even know that that person has a disability, for instance say when I get really stressed out, I start hitting myself and start having a fit and they could just think "oh well, why is he doing that?" without the understanding of the basis of knowing that me doing that comes with one of the trates of having Asperger's.
It's simple what we need to do and what action we need to take. We just need to educate people about people with Autism, because we really are no different to anyone I would class as 'normal' (people without a disability) our brains just function differently, we process things differently, Autism is not a disease. You can't catch anything.
The main thing is to educate people and bring awareness and let people know how hurtful their comments can be, whenever someone says anything negative about anyone, and I'm speaking much more broadly here when I say this, they don't have to be disabled, or autistic, any negative comments to anyone are not nice and they don't do anyone any good.
It would be great for more and more people just to have a certain awareness towards Autism, you don't have to be in a wheelchair to be disabled. You may look at me and not recognise that there is anything different about me, so if more people were to pick up on the typical autism trates, so when they do meet someone with autism, they can be more patient, and not be so quick to pass judgement and not be so quick to assume things about them, because this is something that can take a big change to get everyone to be more aware to start treating everyone a bit nicer it would make a huge difference.
I also think it's great that celebrities speak up about Autism and make people more aware just from talking about their experiences. I don't know if you saw Amy Willerton on This Morning on Tuesday, she was on there talking about her brother and how he was bullied for having a disability, that for me I see as being a really good way of getting people more active with the idea of what Autism is or just being aware of Autism in general, especially for people who have never heard of it before. The more people understand the better things will become.
Amy Willerton on This Morning, Tuesday 4th April.
You may not know this but, some of the most creative and successful people in the world have in fact got Autism. Steve Jobs co-founder of Apple Inc. He had Autism. Bill Gates, billionaire business magnate and co-founder of Microsoft, He has Autism. Anne Hegerty from The Chase - she has Aspergers, Tim Burton - Hollywood director, he has Aspergers. Robin Williams had Asperger's. There are so many celebrities and hugely successful people in the world who have Autism that you probably didn't even know. You shouldn't judge somebody before you've had the opportunity to get to know them.
I'm not quite sure where to start or how to phrase what I would like to say next, but the overall message I am trying to get across is we are all human, we all have our own quirks and habits and talents which make us unique and make us the people that we are, whether that be a good, kind, loving person or a rude, ignorant person we are all as one and that there is no major difference between you or I.
Today we live in a much-changed country. Britain is a very liberal, very tolerant, very accepting country now. Things like autism is made aware across Radio, Television, Film, Books, everywhere and with the advent of social media, people are far more welcoming and open to the different life styles and personalities. What I want to say to people who have the same condition as me or who have higher cases of autism who are struggling with their identity or are having trouble coping with life in general, is the quite straight forward message of "You Are Not Alone!" You will never be alone. There is always somebody you can talk to, A close friend, a family member or even someone who has been through the same shit as you, who knows what it's like, those people are always happy to talk to you, give advice or just listen.
There are plenty of organisations: The National Autistic Society, Brainwave, Autism Alliance all of these organisations and many more are staffed by wonderful, caring people who understand and are here to help you and they will guide you through. Never feel you have to suffer in silence. Don't be silent, speak out and that should make you feel much better about yourself and be much happier.
People say that "you should be proud to be who you are" but that is something which has never run true for me because surely the reverse of that is something to be ashamed of. You can't be proud or ashamed of being black or female or just being human. My Asperger's is something which makes me what I am, I've said it before and I'll say it again, it's a chronic incurable condition, it's not something I can change no matter how many people told me that I could. It's part of me.
I'd like to mention a quote from Noel Coward which is in my opinion, the best quote to abide by in life and that is "Work hard, do the best you can, don't ever lose faith in yourself and take no notice of what other people say about you". Because after all the only person in control of your own life, is you; and you are not alone. It's nothing to do with being proud, ashamed or quiet, as long as you are happy living your life that is the only thing in this world that matters. You control your own life.
If you have doubts, as I said before, you can always talk to somebody, just talk through your troubles. It may be that your part of a family which is very welcoming, accepting and loving of you - wonderful, you may have your support structure: friends, work colleagues, distant relatives or anyone - that's even better. To have someone who can comfort you, keep you going and just give you a welcome hand or even a shoulder to cry on if you need it, or just a cuddle. But if you haven't got that, then reach out. There are people who are out there and they will do everything they can to support you, help you and take care of you. You are never ever alone!
Life can be very tough for someone with Autism, you may feel that are lots of barriers in your life, people who don't like you for no apparent reason other than they think your weird or different and they pick on you for that, and it's ok to be angry, it's ok to stand up for yourself, and these negative people may fight against you but you do not have to give in to them, try ignoring them and shutting them out, I know that's easier said than done but they do what they do to get a reaction from you so if you don't give them the reaction you want and make it look like you don't care, they will eventually get bored and leave you alone. Alternatively, there is always someone you can talk to, to get these people to stop, parents, teachers, the police if necessary, no form of bullying is ok. Bullying is something which really disgusts me!
Autism Awareness has grown so much through the mediums of social media these days, and it's wonderful, it's making people so much more aware of identifying the trates of someone with Autism and how to deal with them, because autistic people are exactly the same as you or I, they are just people who want to be loved, who want to be accepted, who want to be understood. That is all. But it will always be a struggle until there is such a thing as full equality in people's minds. And until that happens there will always be a struggle, they'll still be bullying, they'll still be ignorant people who think of Autistic people as being "diseased" of "retarded". And they'll still be people who will suffer, they'll still be people who don't feel accepted and live their life socially isolated, and that to me is a tragedy.
Who gives a fuck what other people think! They're ignorant! They don't have the understanding of the world like you or I, they don't have the mind set to be more understanding or accepting. You are who you are and you're awesome for being you, quirky, unique, special YOU!
Don't lose faith, keep going, live life and enjoy it.
You are amazing!
Thank you.
